A V.G. Valentine's Day
by ScrawledThoughts
Summary: Bridget's celebration of Valentine's Day, 2002. Will Mark Darcy show up with typical chocolates and roses? Read on...
1. Happy Valentine's Day, Bridget Jones

February 14; 9:00 a.m. Valentine's Day. The one day that lonely Singletons all over the world can get together and bond as Singletons. Feel that Valentine's Day is some kind of plot against Singletons, possibly created by Smug Marrieds to torture them. Feel v. proud that I am neither Singleton nor Smug Married this year. Am now waiting around for Mark Darcy to show up with typical box of chocolates and red roses. Suddenly realize that Mark Darcy probably does not get up that early.   
  
  
9:30 a.m. Have eaten one omelet, six pieces of toast, and three glasses of orange juice while waiting for Mark Darcy to get up. Realize that I have probably gained a few pounds and go to scale to see what has been acquired.   
  
  
9:35 a.m. Am now 130 lbs. Could breakfast have gone down that fast and broken down into fat already? Horrifying notion, but think that this is possible since I am quite short and the food would take a short time to travel through body. Feel content that I can work forementioned fat off before Mark Darcy arrives. Head off in search of v. old aerobic tapes, which have probably acquired dust from sitting in the back of cupboard over the years.  
  
  
10:00 a.m. Found aerobic tapes and have discovered suitable, however tight workout clothes. Tried to put on shorts but suddenly realized they have ripped in the arse. Bloody breakfast.  
  
  
10:25 a.m. Have found baggier, yet mismatched pair of shorts. Put first tape in but discovered that the VCR had eaten it. Cursed for minutes, then realized there might be a program on the telly. Turned it on but could find no program. Went into the kitchen for a consolatory fag but have given up cigarettes for Lent.  
  
  
10:55 a.m. Mary Darcy just called. Said he is coming over, with a surprise. Have changed into suitable clothes that will look good on the carpet floor by this evening. Worried that now Mark Darcy will notice I have bloated to the size of a Vauxhall. Tried to cry but remembered that would make me look even more Vauxhallish.  
  
  
5:00 p.m. Mark Darcy, wearing his v. cute sweater, did bring traditional box of chocolates, but no red roses. Instead brought white rose, which I thought very original. Proceeded to make small talk but realized that neither of us were in the small talking mood. Mmm...  
  
  
6:15 p.m. Have now realized Mark Darcy thinks I am v. beautiful and not at all car-like. Also realized the clothes picked did not match carpet. Am v. lucky to have successful and quite handsome boyfriend who is not pervert, fuckwit, workaholic, etc. Will plan to add Valentine's Day to my favorite holiday list. 


	2. Post-Valentine's

Thursday, February 15, 9:10 a.m. Mark Darcy has left, after having another round of heated enjoyment. Found myself back in the bathroom on the scale. Am now ten pounds lighter. Seems sex does wonders for fat. Must try to participate in this v. enjoyable activity at least twice a week.  
  
  
10:00 a.m. Feel as if I have acquired some kind of post-sex depression. I read once in Mom's Cosmo that some middle-aged women - heaven forbid - do get some kind of depression of this sort. Will call Shazz to see if she has any remedies.  
  
  
10:30 a.m. Shazzer reccommended some kind of herbs, as New Age stuff is becoming v. popular in getting rid of certain kinds of depression. Tried to find something in the cabinet and came up with belladonna, which Shazz said helps clear out the mind if rubbed on the wrists.   
  
  
11:00 a.m. Spilled half the belladonna on the rug. Cursed endlessly while attempting to mop it up. Carpet now comes with a dark brown splotch on the center. Will try and find a piece of furniture to cover up this v. big splotch.  
  
  
1:15 p.m. Attempt to discover furniture that is light enough to carry and matches the carpet failed. Inhaled my first cigarette and knew God would understand, since He probably has little disasters such as this. Wondered if God has expensive rugs in Heaven.  
  
  
2:00 p.m. Was so distressed about rug that threw fag and didn't see where it landed. Realized belladonna is flammable until too late. There is now a v. big hole where the v. big brown splotch was.  
  
  
2:30 p.m. Called Shazzer, who came over right away as soon as she heard about my distress. Figured out a way to rearrange the furniture to cover the splotch which Shazz said is v.g., Zen-wise. Must be another of those bloody New Age things. Decided to rent a couple of movies and invite the gals over for another of our fuckwit discussions. Will report more on the subject later.  
  
  
10:00 p.m. Fuckwittage dishcushions went verrry well. Shazzer shlipped a bit of the bubbly in my shoda. Feeling v. tipshy right now. Nighty-night... 


End file.
